Three years ago Sharry and I were anxiously awaiting our baby boy. I cannot recollect those days that were so full of anxiety, hope, and promise without being overcome by emotion. The last days that Sharry would ever know. If only I would have held her a little tighter, be more kind and loving, savoring every moment. Little did we know the cataclysm that was to soon blow apart our world. Sharry gave her life for our beautiful baby JJ the morning of 6/16/16.
At that time I never imagined being happy or hopeful again. I would be the best dad, counselor and human I could be until I could finally rest in peace. Fortunately, it hasn’t turned out that way. Three years ago I would have never in a million years have guessed how happy, full and extraordinary my life would be, once again, today. At almost three years old JJ is amazing. He’s smart, cute, silly, chatty, kind, full of life, and brings such joy and life to me and our entire family. And of then, of course, there is Katie. I love her so so much. Our one year anniversary is coming up at the end of June. She is an exceptional mother to JJ, and a loving, beautiful, thoughtful and supportive partner and friend to me. I sincerely believe that Sharry had a hand in bringing us together to give her boys the best life possible.
Without her, mine and JJ’s lives would be on a far less happy and heavenly trajectory.
I have lived through hell and made it through, not unscathed. I have deep ugly scars on my heart that I cherish as a testament to both how incredibly beautiful and magical life can be and on the other hand how torturous and agonizing it too often is. To love and love deeply is to invite such pain into our lives and for me, it is so incredibly worth it.
When we’re playing at home we often play hide and seek where one of the 3 of us hides. I always get some anxiety when Katie is hiding ready to pop out and scare JJ and me and so I play that up for JJ. I love his response, “dad you gotta be brave!” I am doing my best to be brave in life and on that note I’m very anxious and excited to share that Katie is pregnant with another baby boy that is due at the end of November! We are so excited to expand our family and there is not another human on Earth that I can imagine walking this road with than Katie. She is the Lounsbury-Decker family rock and anchor.
Does this open the door for all sorts of anxiety, fears, and risks? Yes, it does. Believe me when I say that I have already experienced more than a bit of PTSD in our doctor visits. But does this also bring about an opportunity for greater love, meaning, light, and life? Hell yes, it does. And for me, new adventures guided by love, goodness, compassion, and hope are the entire point of being alive.
I cannot wait to welcome the little guy to this planet we call Earth. He will be a perfect little synthesis of the love Katie and I share. It will be fun to see if he has her bright mind, quick wit, kind heart, and beautiful features. Or will he have my big smile, silly nature, and love for nature? Or all the above? Will he have green eyes or blue eyes, dark or lighter hair, tall-ish or not so much? Obviously, we cannot know now but it’s fun to predict and then see how totally off we can be.
One thing I know for sure is that this baby is coming into the world in a pretty good spot with a big bro who will boss him around plenty but also include him in everything as his best friend in the entire world. He will have a mom that will hold him tight as soon as she is able, tenderly let him know how deeply he is loved and will be a champion for his life, helping him to learn, grow and experience life to the fullest. He will have a dad that will be weeping as he’s brought into the world who cannot wait to have another best little friend, to laugh with, to play with, to smother in tickles, hugs, and kisses. 2019 is on track to be a wonderful year!
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