So far 2019 is going by in an amazing blur! JJ is at my very favorite age. He is funny, a tease, becoming more adventurous, learning so so much and is crazy cute. JJ started preschool two days a week and he is finally to the point where he consistently enjoys it, however, that was not without a difficult start. At first, he would cling and cry begging for Katie not to leave him. He was uncooperative and would break down if the preschool teachers asked him to do anything that he did not want to do. We had serious thoughts about pulling him out and trying again next year. I am so glad we stuck it out. Two weeks ago we had our breakthrough day and he has not cried once since then before or during preschool! Katie did some amazing work in helping him persevere.
Speaking of Katie she has been doing the stay at home mom thing like a rock star. She is JJ’s very favorite person in the world and I sincerely get verklempt thinking about what an extraordinary mom she is. Katie is kind, patient, fun, warm, flexible and loving. She fights bad guys (JJ’s favorite game), teaches ABCs and 123s, goes to the park, reads tons of books, watches Big Bird, Bingo and Rolly, perseveres through preschool and plans all sorts of big kid activities. And she performs all the above while being an exceptional, beautiful, adventurous, generous and loving wife/partner AND growing a new little baby boy in her belly!! Amazing!
Jack (baby boy #2) is fast approaching with the due date of November 19th. We cannot wait to welcome him into our loving little family. JJ is pretty excited to have a new best buddy but often expresses his frustration, “He’s taking FOREVER”. It’s amazing to watch Katie’s little belly grow into a big ol kicking watermelon. I have to be honest though the closer we get to the due date the more my anxiety grows. As we go to doctor appointments and classes my PTSD will sometimes randomly hit as my mind flashes back to the day my life forever changed on JJ’s birthday and the day we lost Sharry. I am going to be an emotional mess and really think my heart will only rest easy once Katie and Jack are home from the hospital, safe and sound. So please send prayers and loving/healthy vibes our way.
Last week I got my Katie tattoo. I love it. It’s a giant redwood tree with a full moon behind it and in the tree are carved the initials KJ with a heart around them. This has a lot of symbolism and real-life connections for me. I am a major nature lover and tree hugger. Last year we went to visit the giant redwoods of California on two different occasions and I was awestruck by their grandeur. I proposed to Katie on a full moon eclipse and we were married under a full moon.
The tree represents the strength, beauty, vitality, and oxygen that Katie continually brings into my life. The moon is symbolic of light and connection. Katie entered my life on the darkest night and like a full moon cresting over the horizon brought clarity, light, wonder, and magic into a life that was bereft of color and joy.
I am aiming to update once Jack is here with the good news and Halloween fun!
It’s been quite a bit since my last post, I’ll try to post somewhat more regularly our Lounsbury-Decker adventures, pictures and/or random musings.
Three years ago Sharry and I were anxiously awaiting our baby boy. I cannot recollect those days that were so full of anxiety, hope, and promise without being overcome by emotion. The last days that Sharry would ever know. If only I would have held her a little tighter, be more kind and loving, savoring every moment. Little did we know the cataclysm that was to soon blow apart our world. Sharry gave her life for our beautiful baby JJ the morning of 6/16/16.
At that time I never imagined being happy or hopeful again. I would be the best dad, counselor and human I could be until I could finally rest in peace. Fortunately, it hasn’t turned out that way. Three years ago I would have never in a million years have guessed how happy, full and extraordinary my life would be, once again, today. At almost three years old JJ is amazing. He’s smart, cute, silly, chatty, kind, full of life, and brings such joy and life to me and our entire family. And of then, of course, there is Katie. I love her so so much. Our one year anniversary is coming up at the end of June. She is an exceptional mother to JJ, and a loving, beautiful, thoughtful and supportive partner and friend to me. I sincerely believe that Sharry had a hand in bringing us together to give her boys the best life possible.
Without her, mine and JJ’s lives would be on a far less happy and heavenly trajectory.
I have lived through hell and made it through, not unscathed. I have deep ugly scars on my heart that I cherish as a testament to both how incredibly beautiful and magical life can be and on the other hand how torturous and agonizing it too often is. To love and love deeply is to invite such pain into our lives and for me, it is so incredibly worth it.
When we’re playing at home we often play hide and seek where one of the 3 of us hides. I always get some anxiety when Katie is hiding ready to pop out and scare JJ and me and so I play that up for JJ. I love his response, “dad you gotta be brave!” I am doing my best to be brave in life and on that note I’m very anxious and excited to share that Katie is pregnant with another baby boy that is due at the end of November! We are so excited to expand our family and there is not another human on Earth that I can imagine walking this road with than Katie. She is the Lounsbury-Decker family rock and anchor.
Does this open the door for all sorts of anxiety, fears, and risks? Yes, it does. Believe me when I say that I have already experienced more than a bit of PTSD in our doctor visits. But does this also bring about an opportunity for greater love, meaning, light, and life? Hell yes, it does. And for me, new adventures guided by love, goodness, compassion, and hope are the entire point of being alive.
I cannot wait to welcome the little guy to this planet we call Earth. He will be a perfect little synthesis of the love Katie and I share. It will be fun to see if he has her bright mind, quick wit, kind heart, and beautiful features. Or will he have my big smile, silly nature, and love for nature? Or all the above? Will he have green eyes or blue eyes, dark or lighter hair, tall-ish or not so much? Obviously, we cannot know now but it’s fun to predict and then see how totally off we can be.
One thing I know for sure is that this baby is coming into the world in a pretty good spot with a big bro who will boss him around plenty but also include him in everything as his best friend in the entire world. He will have a mom that will hold him tight as soon as she is able, tenderly let him know how deeply he is loved and will be a champion for his life, helping him to learn, grow and experience life to the fullest. He will have a dad that will be weeping as he’s brought into the world who cannot wait to have another best little friend, to laugh with, to play with, to smother in tickles, hugs, and kisses. 2019 is on track to be a wonderful year!
Fun recent pictures...
