Shar loved celebrations. Holidays, birthdays, big events...she loved finding whatever reason big or small to celebrate life. These events are going to incredibly difficult for the next year and into the future. The zest and flavor of life has definitely been diminished. This Thursday August 11th is Sharry’s 30th birthday AND JJ’s 8 week birthday! Sharry actually had reserved a camping spot out in Escalante to celebrate and visit some slot canyons with our new baby. Those reservations will go unfulfilled.
Thursday will be an incredibly difficult day. Fortunately for me it is also the very first day of school at Dixie High School which should keep me pretty busy and distracted. That night is also supposed to be the peak night to watch the Perseid Meteor so I plan on ditching JJ with some wonderful family and finding a perfect spot to bask in the lights from heaven where I hope to feel the presence of Shar and God.
I recently found in Shar’s journal an imaginary message from her 80 year old self (sadly won’t happen in this reality) sharing wisdom to the Shar in her 20’s, LOVE IT:
If my 80 year old, sage self, came in a time machine to give me some sound advice, what would I tell myself?
- The most important thing in life is the people you care about. Cultivate good relationships with family and always develop friendships.
- Work toward passions and forget the small bumps along the way. Produce beautiful art, music and literature and share it.
- Focus on helping others.
- Put experience before material possessions
- Gain as much knowledge as possible. Learn about the innumerable theories and lifestyles and try to understand and accept others
- Relax. Life is short, enjoy it.
- Take risks, learn from mistakes, experience what this life has to offer.
- Learn to truly have compassion. People react to things based on their circumstances. There is no way to know where they are coming from
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| She made me this cake one year for my bday, cuz I'm a nerd and she's amazing |
I have to add my voice, a message to Shar from her bubby into the ether for her big 3 0:
Baby girl how the hell did this happen!? You would often say you can’t trust anybody over the age of 30 and so Shar you forever have my love and absolute trust and devotion. Me, JJ and Lola miss you more than anything I can ever imagine. This was to be our ultimate year of celebrations. Our first house, a beautiful baby boy, your 30th birthday and our 10th wedding anniversary. Where did things go so cataclysmically wrong!? I literally could not imagine a more horrible turn of events. I feel like I am in a totally messed up alternate universe and I need to defeat great evil somewhere to get reality back on the right path. Maybe Trump is the boss that I need to destroy and then goodness will be restored???
Shar you know what? You are inspiring people everywhere. You would NOT believe how many people (friends, family and people we don’t even really know) have communicated to me that your life is inspiring them to live more fully. To cherish living things and experiences over shitty materialism. To eat less meat. To create. To savor nature in all of its beauty. To tell their loved ones they love them and try to love more fully and deeply. A friend recently shared the hashtag #livelikeShar and I wept. I want nothing more in this world to know you still exist and that you see the light and impact that you are having beyond the grave.
You are so good, so loving, so pure and my world is so much darker without you. I really don’t know what to get you for your birthday. I did get some silly little angel mama things for your graveside. More importantly than that though I am trying to be a mirror of your light for the world through my writing and my living. JJ and I are going to finish your bucket list. Your baby boy will be taught always of his wonderful angel mama and you will be a constant inspiration to him and to me. You will always be missed, you will never be forgotten your presence is tattooed on my arm, my heart and soul. Shar if you exist please inspire me to be the best human/dad/light I can possibly be. No person will ever replace your light on this Earth but I am going to give all that I can to that cause.
Pic from our engagement photo shoot and Shar's last last birthday
Friends, family and followers, on Thursday I plead that you think/pray/meditate for Sharry that on her 30th birthday she knows how deeply she is missed and loved. Check out the meteor shower and bask in the beauty of nature and the heavens. Give the beloveds in your life some extra sincere appreciation, love, hugs/kisses and gratitude. Life is fragile and needs to be cherished.
Shar and I would often listen to this silly and emotional Bright Eyes song on birthdays
I don't know you, and you don't know me. But I know someone closely that you work with at DHS. And they have nothing but wonderful things to say about you. That you'd never know in a million years that you'd gone through such a tragic thing so recently. That you truly love your job, and working with the students.
ReplyDeleteDon't ever doubt that you aren't being your best, because from outsiders, you most definitely are!
Definitely taking time to appreciate the beautiful life that Sharry charted out. Nothing but love and the constant need to grow, learn, and give. Striving to stumble in her footsteps.
ReplyDeleteLoved your thoughts and love the song . . . I've been thinking about you facing all these "firsts" without her. Her love is still with you, I hear it coming out in everything you write.
ReplyDelete#livelikeshar !!!
ReplyDelete