PREGNANCY BOOKENDS

it’s sorta uncomfortable to talk about, and honestly even a little weird to think about. and even though jared speaks about it freely, as he does with most topics, for some reason i feel my arms tighten and my shoulders tense when the words “infertility” or “ivf” are mentioned. partly because i don’t like to admit to myself that there was/is an issue, and partly because I don’t want to diminish how fortunate we’ve been.

because thankfully  for us, our story has ended, and in many ways just begun, as a success story.

after a few years of traditional methods, we met with my doctor. she asked if we wanted to work with a fertility clinic, or if we wanted to “take it easy, go slow, see how things go.” we chose to keep it casual. we hadn’t been in any hurry, after ten years together we loved being just the two of us, and we were happy to possibly avoid the cost and stress of going through a specialist. honestly, we were hoping the problem would fix itself or, even better, that there wasn’t really a problem at all.

so, we checked out books, websites, apps. we watched the calendar, stared blankly at cervical mucus, and urinated on little white plastic sticks. sometimes it was actually fun and exciting and i looked forward to rushing to the drug store once a month, grabbing an early pregnancy test and imagining scenarios in which i would surprise jared with the news. more months passed. wanting to avoid whatever shots and hormones, and whatever expensive procedures might be ahead, we met with my ob/gyn again. again, she said we were welcome to visit a fertility specialist, but she would be willing to take us through the first procedures. so, we began working more actively with her, taking some daily hormones and submitting samples. after a few more months went by, she encouraged us to set up an appointment for artificial insemination- a not so romantic medical procedure silimar to traditional reproduction, only done with plastic gloves, tiny catheters, and rinsed sperm. so much for intimacy or tenderness... it got uncomfortable. and then, unfortunately, we set up appointments for the next month and the next. we were officially beat.

we contacted a highly recommended specialist and made an appointment. from the first few diagnostic test, and a discussion of our medical history, without much surprise the doctor recommended ivf.

we checked out new books, read new websites, downloaded new apps. I visited the acupuncturist, consulted the runes, and hiked to the mountaintop. jared started sticking me with needles, we went in for dozens of ultrasounds, and we collected eggs with the zeal of a toddler on easter. then we waited for the 5 day embryo transfer and were shocked to still have 7 healthy high quality blastocysts- one of which we will be meeting sometime in the next few weeks.

i still have a hard time believing that i'm actually pregnant. that i'm actually going to go home with a baby sometime in the near future, and that this baby will be made up of the genes and cells and heart- of us.

from the beginning to the end of this pregnancy, we have been so excited and nervous and grateful. this baby is going to change our lives forever...we're terrified and we can't wait.

ST GEORGE SHOWER AND DESERT FLOWERS

jared, baby, and i have been feeling so incredibly spoiled the last few weeks. i had a couple little showers in salt lake with friends and coworkers and was already overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support..and then this last weekend some of my best friends threw us a shower in st george, for all of our hometown friends and family, and i have to say- i'm completely honored and humbled by how generous and loving everyone has been.

we drove down to st george saturday morning to spend some time with our families before the shower on monday. we've been trying to spend a little time walking and enjoying the outdoors, before the baby comes, and luckily the desert was just blooming! we went out and walked through my mom's desert garden and talked about the options to turn our own yard into some kind of drought tolerant garden. we've definitely got blossoms and babies on the mind.

^this cactus is insanely huge and my mom claims she never actually planted it. apparently the seeds blew in from the desert and now it's probably 30 feet wide and 10 feet tall. it's super rad and i want one for our yard. kinda thinking it wouldn't do as well during a salt lake winter.^

the bird of paradise bushes scattered throughout the garden are super beautiful as well, plus they attract a lot of hummingbirds so my mom loves them. aren't the blossoms uh-mazing?

the shower on monday turned out really well and we got to see lots of family on both sides plus some friends i haven't met up with in years. people gave us so many cute clothes and beautiful homemade quilts and loads of baby gear i know will come in handy. can't wait to try everything out on baby!

on top of baby and gardening activities, we got to spend some time out in one of my favorite places in st geroge - snow canyon state park. looking back, it's kinda hard to believe that this place is just minutes from where i grew up and we would go there for free every school holiday (back then they didn't even charge admission!).

playing at the sand dunes with the kids.

thanks again to all of our wonderful friends and family for making us feel so much generosity and support. we are so excited to add a new baby to the family and feel so much comfort knowing that he'll be born into a whole family and community filled with love. thank you!  with all our love, sharred

ALMOST MOTHERS MOTHER'S DAY

jared and i celebrated my first (almost) mother's day this weekend! the baby has already made me into more of the worrying motherly type, plus i've survived almost 9 straight months of consistent heartburn and low-level nausea, so i think i get to celebrate a little too :-)

actually, in all honesty there are things i really love about being pregnant. i like to feel the baby squirm, get the hiccups, and bulge out in one direction. i like to watch my stomach bob up and down and around and wonder what in the world he thinks he's up to. i like to rub my belly throughout the day and think about the little person who is about to arrive. it's kinda cool.

anyway- to celebrate we spent the saturday before mother's day at the tulip festival- and it was just what i needed to relax and unwind. it felt really good to waddle through the gardens and enjoy a little morning sunshine while listening to a gypsy accordion player serenade visitors for loose change. we visited at just the right time because as we were leaving, dark clouds rolled in and it rained all afternoon. salt lake has been doing this to us the last three weekends in a row and this time we wised up, checked the forecast, and planned our day accordingly. and it totally worked out!

a little big and awkward, but happy to be out enjoying the flowers

after the gardens, we stopped by the baby expo going on at the sandy expo center and picked up some free baby samples (bottles, onsies, and, randomly, a pearl necklace). jared also made me breakfast in bed, a fancy pasta dinner, and surprised me with a new phone. it was fun being a little spoiled for the weekend and made the heartburn seem a little less obnoxious. at least for a little while.

happy mother's day!

OUR EARTH DAY, ARBOR DAY, PLANTING DAY!

we bought a house! and ever since we moved in, we've spent a lot of time pulling weeds. there are so so so many more weeds to go, so many weeds, but this weekend we finally started putting down new roots and planted a whole bunch of shrubs, succulents, and saplings. it'll take years for these little plants to spread and grow, but i'm excited to see it get more and more full and colorful (and less work!) over time.

we got a bunch of perennial succulents and planted them all over as ground cover. they have all different colored flowers and look really cute...crossing our fingers they multiply like crazy! we've got a lot of dirt out there.

hopefully someday our yard will look as awesome and beautiful as the natural vegetation in the wasatch foothills two minutes from our house. or if not, at least hopefully our neighbors will stop dropping by to ask us "what in the world are you going to do with that yard?" either way, it'd be a win. but really, we're having fun getting our green thumbs and making it a little haven to call our own. happy earth day and happy arbor day!

p.s. only a few more weeks until baby boy makes his big debut